she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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