I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
