Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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