Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My feet surprised me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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