You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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