If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
