my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
