i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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