Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
