I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize