my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
