just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
