I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
