Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize