i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
