so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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