How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Someone signed my nipple.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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