Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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