So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
