At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
please don't ironically join a cult
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