as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
