you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
