I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
