The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
