I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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