i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
