i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
