what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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