Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
