Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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