R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
