just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
