I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
