I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
