Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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