So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize