Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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