I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Damn victory sex feels great
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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