I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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