I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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