you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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