It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
