He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
