where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
