what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
