I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
