I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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