I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
