ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We are two peas in an std pod
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize