How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
