i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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