Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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