There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The air was thick with penises
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
