dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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