Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
