idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
