I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
