i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize