Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
