She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
