dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i out mim tonsoeep
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