I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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