Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Soap is not a condiment
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
