woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
