I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
