We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
