your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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