I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
