Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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