so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
wanna go halves on a baby?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
