my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
