By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
