Soap is not a condiment
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
