Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
