I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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