and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize