Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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