My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
