she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
