Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
