Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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