Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
