I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wear drunk well.
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