so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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