How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
