so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
