I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
