I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
