Will you blow on my dice?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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